My Sinful Soul, Counted Free

Not long into this new social distancing season, my thoughts turned back to this blog.  After all, our original purpose was really to hear from local women walking out their faith in Jesus Christ.  I’ve known for a while that God intends for me to testify about a recent personal season of what could have been despair but is being redeemed by God in a million different ways.  So, seeing the world spinning out around me, He’s made it clear that the time is now.

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For the past several months, my husband and I have been walking through difficult life circumstances that at times felt like the waves were enough to swallow us whole.  In many ways, we’ve already been in a season of self-quarantine as we pulled in close and purposed to continuously apply the Good News of the Gospel to our marriage, our family and our future.  Literally on our knees together, we have spent countless hours in prayer before our Father seeking Him and Him alone.  I have had a painful yet beautiful vantage point from which I have watched the Master Surgeon heal deep wounds in my husband.  Where once he carried shame and self-hate, he now carries the truth that he is chosen, holy, and dearly loved by God who created him with a purpose for His Kingdom.  Where once I had a husband who was fine with the ways God was using me, I now have a husband who is truly a ministry partner willing to be used for the good of people and for the Glory of God (who, by the way, gave his full blessing to share this).   Where once we said goodbye in an airport as he bitterly went off to war, we recently said goodbye in an airport as he joyfully went off on a mission trip.  I’m not sure I’ve ever been more in awe of God than I was as I watched him genuinely smile at me when he went through security on his way to Honduras.

There are many parts of our journey worth sharing, but at the start of this particular Passion Week it seems fitting to talk about how deeply personal the cross is.  Our willingness to bow before our Savior in our brokenness, to turn our gaze to Jesus on the cross, to allow His sacrifice to again move into our hearts has transformed us.  Sitting at the foot of the cross for an extended period of time brings hard work to be done in our hearts and minds. Despite the suffering, I am confident that a surrendered life allows Jesus to bring us into spacious places of freedom that turn our hearts to worship Him.

His tender compassion and unfailing mercy brings healing in ways that are still a mystery to me.  Yet I know it to be true and I pray you do as well.  This list could probably be endless, but here’s a few ways where the LORD has shown Himself to me over and over again.

When doubt creeps in, He’s there.  Ask Him to help our unbelief.  (Mark 9:24)

When fear rears its ugly head, He’s there.  Cry out “Abba, Father”.  (Romans 8:15)

When the future is uncertain, He’s there.  Remember His steadfast love. (Psalm 31:7)

When your mind hears lies, He’s there.  Focus your thoughts on His Word, it is truth.  (Romans 8:1, Ephesians 6:12)

When isolation is closing in, He’s there.  Ask His people for help. (Galatians 6:2, James 5:16)

When we don’t know how to pray, He’s there.  Ask His Spirit to intercede on our behalf (Romans 8:26)

As we shelter in place during this Passion Week, may each one of us personally return to the foot of the cross.

Where my sinful soul is counted free. 

For God the Just was satisfied to look on Him and pardon me.



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